I'm a doer....I see something that I think needs to be done and I'm on it. Once I am committed to the completion of a project or an idea, I am driven to finish it, whether it's at the cost of another project or a little sleep. And I like to do it well...no sloppy effort by me: total commitment to the best of my ability every time. It's worked for me for a long time and even though I might be a little tired, knowing that I did my best carries me on to the next project.
Now add cancer to that mindset and it can be a recipe for disaster. After my first chemo treatment, I was knocked on my bottom...literally. I was surprised just how tired I was and when some intense stomach cramps hit me on day 5 of the chemo cycle, I actually passed out in my kitchen. I admit it... it scared me a little, and I realized as I took the next few days off work, that I might not be able to be the doer of old; I needed to find what the new me could do and maybe needed to delegate things to other family members. For someone who sets a pretty high bar for myself, I needed to recognize that it wasn't fair to impose my expectations on others who were trying to help. Recognizing my own limits was essential and letting others offer what they could to help would be necessary. And by recognizing my own limits and asking for help, I realized that others were eager to help and I think perhaps they always were there wanting to, but I was too busy being busy to realize it.
And so, I thank my cancer for giving me the chance to slow down a little and invite friends and family to help me on the journey to a cure.
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Saturday, December 13, 2014
Why gifts?
I have a feeling that when some people read the title of this blog, they are going to recoil with a variety of emotions; anger, disgust, interest, admonition, etc. But let me explain why I chose this title.
I try and live my life with an optimism that good things happen to good people and so, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer in June of 2014, I was very determined to conquer it with a super-positive, kick-butt attitude. And during the early days of tests, biopsies, lumpectomy and additional tissue excision, I was solid. With a firm, positive attitude intact, I sailed through it all, knowing my right attitude would be my guide. And then chemotherapy came my way, which is where I currently reside.
I never thought it would affect me so easily. While it's been said a hundred times, it really does make you wonder how something that is going to make you better makes so feel soooo much sicker than you did before it started. Maybe sicker isn't quite the right word for me. In fact, I had no nausea, vomiting, etc. Perhaps a better word is wrong. Chemo made me just feel wrong. I felt a definite change in my energy and my sense of control. I can't help feel that I'm not quite captain of my own ship, and that the chemo pirates don't quite know how to sail the old girl. I'm usually insanely busy and on-top-of-my-game, but now I feel uncertain about my own abilities and want to second-guess myself. And that's just not me.
It was during one of these moods that I realized, that while there are changes going on and will continue to go on through the course of chemo and beyond, I need to appreciate that maybe some changes are a mixed blessing and I need to keep myself focused on the positive attitude and optimism that I have lived a life with. Hell, that focus has gotten me through a lot of stuff in the past, so why not now too?
And that brings me to the title. I really feel that there are gifts to be found and cherished with any adversity we face in life. The old adage, "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger", still rings true for me. I think that as I go through this cancer journey, there are gifts to unwrap that I may not have noticed or appreciated before.
And so, as I continue to post on this blog, I hope that my readers might just find a gift of their own in whatever their circumstances or adversity.
And what the heck? It's nearly Christmas...and don't we all like gifts at this time of year?
I try and live my life with an optimism that good things happen to good people and so, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer in June of 2014, I was very determined to conquer it with a super-positive, kick-butt attitude. And during the early days of tests, biopsies, lumpectomy and additional tissue excision, I was solid. With a firm, positive attitude intact, I sailed through it all, knowing my right attitude would be my guide. And then chemotherapy came my way, which is where I currently reside.
I never thought it would affect me so easily. While it's been said a hundred times, it really does make you wonder how something that is going to make you better makes so feel soooo much sicker than you did before it started. Maybe sicker isn't quite the right word for me. In fact, I had no nausea, vomiting, etc. Perhaps a better word is wrong. Chemo made me just feel wrong. I felt a definite change in my energy and my sense of control. I can't help feel that I'm not quite captain of my own ship, and that the chemo pirates don't quite know how to sail the old girl. I'm usually insanely busy and on-top-of-my-game, but now I feel uncertain about my own abilities and want to second-guess myself. And that's just not me.
It was during one of these moods that I realized, that while there are changes going on and will continue to go on through the course of chemo and beyond, I need to appreciate that maybe some changes are a mixed blessing and I need to keep myself focused on the positive attitude and optimism that I have lived a life with. Hell, that focus has gotten me through a lot of stuff in the past, so why not now too?
And that brings me to the title. I really feel that there are gifts to be found and cherished with any adversity we face in life. The old adage, "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger", still rings true for me. I think that as I go through this cancer journey, there are gifts to unwrap that I may not have noticed or appreciated before.
And so, as I continue to post on this blog, I hope that my readers might just find a gift of their own in whatever their circumstances or adversity.
And what the heck? It's nearly Christmas...and don't we all like gifts at this time of year?
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